Coming off of last week's blog, there are some major things I would like to be changed. If you haven't read that yet, I'll give a fast summary. Basically my job is to mascot for Chic-fil-A, so I walk around in a big costume, and some people mistreat me while in the costume.
So after that rant about negatives of my job and reading Swift's proposal, it has actually inspired me to make one of my own. But why does some animal need to make a proposal? A simple answer-- Middle Schoolers.
Middle School aged people--the worst possible ages to go through. They are for sure, 100%, and the definite worst thing I encounter at work. Like I regret being a middle schooler, I'm pretty sure I was annoying. And I thoroughly apologize to all the people I ever spoke to during my lowest. I would punch my middle school self in the face if it was possible.
But that's beside the point, we are to talk of my proposal. I offer this proposal to Somerset Mall, just ban anyone that is within grade 6th grade to 8th grade. Now this might seem totally irrational, but I promise it is not. Think of all the possible benefits!
One benefit is the reduced amount of "cringe-worthy" slang. That cow costume blocks most of my hearing, but somehow those annoying little voices find their way through the mesh of my costume. Saying "Dab" or "Lit" in just ways that are unimaginable and make shivers run down my spine. With the proposal in place, that will not happen.
Another benefit, no more stupid choices that will lead to my harm. I am the icon for Chic-fil-A, I can not risk being put in terrible danger. For example, when I mentioned last week that I was essentially a victim of almost first-degree murder. This middle school girl had just ran up and tackled me from behind, that's a big risk for me. That was a stupid choice and really that child should just be arrested.
So to sum things up, just ban the Middle School people.
So after that rant about negatives of my job and reading Swift's proposal, it has actually inspired me to make one of my own. But why does some animal need to make a proposal? A simple answer-- Middle Schoolers.
Middle School aged people--the worst possible ages to go through. They are for sure, 100%, and the definite worst thing I encounter at work. Like I regret being a middle schooler, I'm pretty sure I was annoying. And I thoroughly apologize to all the people I ever spoke to during my lowest. I would punch my middle school self in the face if it was possible.
But that's beside the point, we are to talk of my proposal. I offer this proposal to Somerset Mall, just ban anyone that is within grade 6th grade to 8th grade. Now this might seem totally irrational, but I promise it is not. Think of all the possible benefits!
One benefit is the reduced amount of "cringe-worthy" slang. That cow costume blocks most of my hearing, but somehow those annoying little voices find their way through the mesh of my costume. Saying "Dab" or "Lit" in just ways that are unimaginable and make shivers run down my spine. With the proposal in place, that will not happen.
Another benefit, no more stupid choices that will lead to my harm. I am the icon for Chic-fil-A, I can not risk being put in terrible danger. For example, when I mentioned last week that I was essentially a victim of almost first-degree murder. This middle school girl had just ran up and tackled me from behind, that's a big risk for me. That was a stupid choice and really that child should just be arrested.
So to sum things up, just ban the Middle School people.
Great follow up post from your last week's! Your heart-felt plead shows through your hyperboles and sarcasms. Nice post.
ReplyDeleteI like how you continued off of your last post. You must really hate middle schoolers!
ReplyDelete